News For Everyone to Enjoy In Moderation, Under Very Specific Guidelines

December 27, 2013 · Pakistan · Editor

[VIDEO] American forgotten by U.S. government in Pakistan only now realizing he was forgotten

In a video recently released by Pakistani media, Warren Weinstein, an American kidnapped in Lahore, Pakistan by al Qaeda, has finally realized that his former employer, the U.S. government, has forgotten about him. Wait, who? Let’s move on. Best of luck, Mr. Weinstein. Wait, who?

November 19, 2013 · News Brief · Editor

[VIDEO] Mayor of Toronto either attempting to murder a woman or save her from an unknown assailant

Having totally lost his mind, Mayor Rob Ford gingerly marched across the chamber, attempting to kidnap and possibly kill an innocent old woman.

October 22, 2013 · Asia & Pacific, Russia · Editor

Nationalist rioters in Russia taking way too long to break down door to vegetable market [VIDEO]

The anti-immigrant nationalists agreed that they should have practiced on some plain sheets of glass before “going big time like this” at a vegetable market.

September 9, 2013 · Syria · Editor

In televised interview, Assad sounds a bit like a weird pervert, am I wrong? [VIDEO]

When Syrian President Bashar al Assad speaks, the words “pervert,” “weirdo,” and “weird pervert” come to mind.

May 7, 2013 · News Brief, Pakistan · Editor

Pakistani candidate shows human side by falling on head [VIDEO]

Pakistani politician Imran Khan fell 14 feet head-first from a makeshift lift today, proving to all of his supporters that he is just like them–or specifically that he is just like those among them who regularly fall 14 feet head-first from makeshift lifts.

April 14, 2013 · Asia & Pacific, North Korea · Editor

North Korea video scary

This video is scary, with a scary voice over scary music. “We are crazy,” the narrator tells viewers. “Be very scared. We are nuts.”

January 19, 2013 · News Brief · Editor

Failed assassination attempt in Bulgaria turns into hilarious stomping of assassin [VIDEO]

“The relentless beating would have felt a lot better had I just successfully shot that guy in the head,” the assassin told reporters Saturday night. “Well, it still would have hurt–particularly when that guy repeatedly slammed his briefcase into my head, but I imagine that the victory that I had just achieved would have helped get me through it.” Ahmed Dogan, the head of Bulgaria’s Turkish ethnic party survived the assassination attempt after the gun failed to go off.

November 7, 2012 · U.S. · Editor

Bill O’Reilly distraught by unraveling of supreme white establishment [VIDEO]

Bill O’Reilly has decried the end of white people as we know it.

October 13, 2012 · Asia & Pacific, Russia · Editor

2010 footage of Putin fondling a puppy [VIDEO]

“This puppy is now mine and I will do as I please with it, including taking its young life if I need to,” Russian President Vladimir Putin told reporters before slitting the puppy’s throat and crying uncontrollably.

April 10, 2012 · U.S. · Editor

Santorum: I made decision to run for president while sitting at a kitchen table [VIDEO]

Rick Santorum admitted Tuesday that he had initially decided to run for President of the United States of America while sitting at a table in his kitchen.

March 31, 2012 · Bahrain, Middle East · Editor

Surprisingly, protests in Bahrain continue despite the U.S. not paying attention [VIDEO]

Security forces in Bahrain appear to be under the impression that if everything is covered up in tear gas, it simply isn’t there anymore.

March 30, 2012 · News Brief · Editor

You won’t be hearing anything more from the King of Tonga, because he’s dead [VIDEO]

King George Topou V of Tonga was laid to rest this week after what were actually even slightly more restful years as king of the 105,000 person island.

March 30, 2012 · U.S. · Editor

New anti-Obama ad highlights President’s experience as Russian spy [VIDEO]

In its new anti-Obama ad, Super PAC “American Crossroads” is able to simultaneously point out that President Obama has complete disregard for American interests while also insinuating that he may even be working for the Russians –all the while giving voters absolutely no substantive information.

March 28, 2012 · News Brief · Editor

Two old rich white guys discuss racial issues on Fox News [VIDEO]

Lou Dobbs and some other white guy took the time out of their busy schedules and prescription drug addictions this week to talk about how race doesn’t exist.

March 26, 2012 · Iran, Middle East, U.S. · Editor

New Santorum ad rightly compares Ahmadinejad to Obama [VIDEO]

Finally, someone has the courage to say what we’ve all been thinking: Ahmadinejad is an inspirational, intellectual, and courageous leader with the strength and determination needed to build a better future for our country.

March 21, 2012 · Bahrain, Middle East · Editor

Government-sponsored oppression party continues in Bahrain [Video]

The government of Bahrain continues to engage protesters in delightful little games throughout the country. It’s unclear what the people of Bahrain are complaining about.

March 21, 2012 · U.S. · Editor

Santorum hates the economy, government [VIDEO]

This week, Rick Santorum explained that both the economy and government were to blame for the economy and government.

March 16, 2012 · Analysis, U.S. · Ted Sperling

Does Obama’s March Madness bracket mirror his presidency? (yes)

Obama has made some strides in his first term as president just as he’s shown some flashes of competency and smarts in his choosing of the winners of NCAA Basketball games. But he’s also been too safe with many of his decisions and hasn’t lived up to the ambitious ideals of change he inspired in the people when he was elected in 2008.

March 16, 2012 · Europe, Russia · Editor

Putin may have brutally murdered a zoo animal in 2008 [VIDEO]

Putin kissed the tiger in front of his cameramen, placed a satellite tracking device on it, and let it return to the wild. The wild, of course, was the zoo, where after three days the tiger ended up almost dying from an overdose of tranquilizers.

March 15, 2012 · Belarus, Europe · Editor

President of Belarus finding it hard to be both gay and a dictator [VIDEO]

President of Belarus, Alexander Lukashenko, admitted this week that he finds it impossible to be a dictator and be gay at the same time.

March 14, 2012 · News Brief, U.S. · Editor

Santorum takes Alabama, Mississippi in latest reminder that God is a raging psychopath

Following a big win in Kansas over the weekend, Rick Santorum scored additional victories in Alabama and Mississippi this week. If you were God (and you might be) you would support Santorum too.

February 22, 2012 · News Brief, U.S. · Editor

Rick Santorum delivers speech about Satan, written by Satan [VIDEO]

If you haven’t done yourself the favor of listening to Rick Santorum’s discourse on Satan, please find it here.

  • [VIDEO] Dennis Rodman singing “Happy Birthday” to Kim Jong Un confirms the two are dating
  • [VIDEO] American forgotten by U.S. government in Pakistan only now realizing he was forgotten
  • [VIDEO] Mayor of Toronto either attempting to murder a woman or save her from an unknown assailant
  • Nationalist rioters in Russia taking way too long to break down door to vegetable market [VIDEO]
  • In televised interview, Assad sounds a bit like a weird pervert, am I wrong? [VIDEO]

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