With the advent of Supreme Court rulings such as Citizens United, precedents that money equals political speech, or ridiculous assertions that corporations are people; funnelling campaign donations into your back pocket in exchange for you own wholesale whoredom has never been easier.
Planning to meet the Pakistani Taliban for peace talks this week? Here are some helpful tips for making the meeting as productive and inclusive as possible.
Abdel Fattah el-Sisi, Egypt’s reluctant leader, did not get any credit from Obama for his work on eliminating all political outlets for Islamists in the country–forcing them to take up an armed struggle instead. Really terrific work, Sisi. Keep it up!
One of the biggest Asia-related news items in recent weeks is China’s establishment of an Air Defense Identification Zone (ADIZ) over the East China Sea. Yes, China beat you to it.
Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un may be dating.
The Daily Autocrat offers three less-known honeymoon spots for lovestruck bigots looking for a half-way decent location in which to christen their as-nature-intended-it heterosexual union without the perennial stench of homosexuality infringing upon their basic rights.
January 29, 2014
January 7, 2014
November 19, 2013
November 20, 2013
November 17, 2013
November 13, 2013
Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un may be dating.
In a video recently released by Pakistani media, Warren Weinstein, an American kidnapped in Lahore, Pakistan by al Qaeda, has finally realized that his former employer, the U.S. government, has forgotten about him. Wait, who? Let’s move on. Best of luck, Mr. Weinstein. Wait, who?
Having totally lost his mind, Mayor Rob Ford gingerly marched across the chamber, attempting to kidnap and possibly kill an innocent old woman.
The anti-immigrant nationalists agreed that they should have practiced on some plain sheets of glass before “going big time like this” at a vegetable market.
When Syrian President Bashar al Assad speaks, the words “pervert,” “weirdo,” and “weird pervert” come to mind.
Pakistani politician Imran Khan fell 14 feet head-first from a makeshift lift today, proving to all of his supporters that he is just like them–or specifically that he is just like those among them who regularly fall 14 feet head-first from makeshift lifts.
This video is scary, with a scary voice over scary music. “We are crazy,” the narrator tells viewers. “Be very scared. We are nuts.”
“The relentless beating would have felt a lot better had I just successfully shot that guy in the head,” the assassin told reporters Saturday night. “Well, it still would have hurt–particularly when that guy repeatedly slammed his briefcase into my head, but I imagine that the victory that I had just achieved would have helped get me through it.” Ahmed Dogan, the head of Bulgaria’s Turkish ethnic party survived the assassination attempt after the gun failed to go off.
Bill O’Reilly has decried the end of white people as we know it.
“This puppy is now mine and I will do as I please with it, including taking its young life if I need to,” Russian President Vladimir Putin told reporters before slitting the puppy’s throat and crying uncontrollably.
Rick Santorum admitted Tuesday that he had initially decided to run for President of the United States of America while sitting at a table in his kitchen.
Security forces in Bahrain appear to be under the impression that if everything is covered up in tear gas, it simply isn’t there anymore.
King George Topou V of Tonga was laid to rest this week after what were actually even slightly more restful years as king of the 105,000 person island.
In its new anti-Obama ad, Super PAC “American Crossroads” is able to simultaneously point out that President Obama has complete disregard for American interests while also insinuating that he may even be working for the Russians –all the while giving voters absolutely no substantive information.
Lou Dobbs and some other white guy took the time out of their busy schedules and prescription drug addictions this week to talk about how race doesn’t exist.
Finally, someone has the courage to say what we’ve all been thinking: Ahmadinejad is an inspirational, intellectual, and courageous leader with the strength and determination needed to build a better future for our country.
The government of Bahrain continues to engage protesters in delightful little games throughout the country. It’s unclear what the people of Bahrain are complaining about.
This week, Rick Santorum explained that both the economy and government were to blame for the economy and government.
Obama has made some strides in his first term as president just as he’s shown some flashes of competency and smarts in his choosing of the winners of NCAA Basketball games. But he’s also been too safe with many of his decisions and hasn’t lived up to the ambitious ideals of change he inspired in the people when he was elected in 2008.
Putin kissed the tiger in front of his cameramen, placed a satellite tracking device on it, and let it return to the wild. The wild, of course, was the zoo, where after three days the tiger ended up almost dying from an overdose of tranquilizers.
President of Belarus, Alexander Lukashenko, admitted this week that he finds it impossible to be a dictator and be gay at the same time.
Following a big win in Kansas over the weekend, Rick Santorum scored additional victories in Alabama and Mississippi this week. If you were God (and you might be) you would support Santorum too.
If you haven’t done yourself the favor of listening to Rick Santorum’s discourse on Satan, please find it here.