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Obama shocked that innocent little military coup in Egypt ended so badly

WEEK IN AUTOCRACY, 30 Sept – 6 Oct 2012

“You’re a gigantic loser, wimp, and pussy,” Mitt Romney informed President Obama Wednesday night before walking over to the president’s podium and urinating all over his shoes.

With negotiations under way, United States congratulates Taliban on impressive campaign

This past weekend, the New York Times provided details on ongoing contact between Taliban leader Mullah Muhammad Omar and the United States. You remember the Taliban, right?

Gingrich, Romney, Santorum are gay, investigation finds

The three men are in actuality ultra-homosexual, socialist, militant-environmentalist, liberals, who are seeking to secure the Office of President in order to pursue a “gay left-wing agenda characterized by the dissolution of the nuclear family unit, rampant drug use, and exorbitant government spending.”

Romney promises quick dismantling of country, killing of millions

“First things first, we’re going to murder everyone here. Then, of course, we’ll kill your children. After we burn down your houses, we’ll dismantle all regulations on the financial industry, start burning more coal, and cut taxes,” Romney told supporters Tuesday. Despite being a bit uncomfortable with the first few items on the agenda, the crowd seemed to be totally behind everything else.

Losing Florida, Gingrich looks ahead to Moon primary

“I’m out of my goddamn mind,” Gingrich told reporters Tuesday. “And after the moon, we’ll take Nevada.”

Gingrich, Romney exchange barbs on spying for China

Romney’s camp fought back, citing a partially-leaked report that Gingrich has received well over USD$560,000 from the Chinese government in return for “overseeing the construction of an intricate espionage network.”

Obama advises congress to be more like undemocratic, gun-wielding military

“Congress should work more like the most autocratic and hierarchical institution this country has, whereby orders are passed down via a rigid chain of command and blindly obeyed without hesitation or debate,” Obama…

Romney and Gingrich are Chinese spies, new report reveals

Republican presidential candidates Mitt Romney and Newt Gingrich are both Chinese, and are paid spies from China, a report released by the FBI revealed this week.

US to renew Myanmar ties in first step towards bringing Sizzler to Myanmar

The developments of the last year have surprised even the most weirdly obsessed observer of the situation in the country of Myanmar–formally called Burma, which is still called Burma by the United States,…

Life-threatening heart condition proves John Edwards may actually possess a heart

Republican candidate Rick Santorum dead, nation hopes

The opponent of gay rights and the science of climate change was stabbed violently before being hung by his feet, decapitated, and sodomized by a horse in the imagination of every single person in the nation last night just around 8:15pm.

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