News For Everyone to Enjoy In Moderation, Under Very Specific Guidelines

REPORT: Mitt Romney visibly aroused while discussing war with Iran

On numerous occasions Mitt Romney has failed to contain his obvious sexual excitement at the thought of dropping bombs, killing thousands of Iranians.

Citizens of North Carolina save marriage from marriage-hungry homos

North Carolinians—presumably recognizing how sneaky and gay homosexuals can be—have felt the need to solidify the ban in the state constitution, even if that means invalidating state protections for the victims of domestic violence or taking a gigantic shit on the rights of unmarried straight people.

Syrian rebels need cute child star for their own YouTube video

To succeed, the Free Syrian Army needs an adorable kid / handsome white guy combo to star in a viral video promoting its cause. It would be just the shot in the arm these rebels need, and would more than make up for the loss of Homs earlier this month. The army may not have guns or money or military discipline but, surely someone can learn Final Cut Pro.

Scores of right-wing pundits not named ‘Andrew Breitbart’ tragically survive

God’s valiant attempt to purge the Earth of dishonest demagogues came up woefully short last week. Only Andrew Breitbart met his end.

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