News For Everyone to Enjoy In Moderation, Under Very Specific Guidelines

The left and right agreeing? Say it ain’t so

The people in the state of Michigan, who for some odd reason want to stick with a system called democracy, chose to tell the emergency manager law to go suck a big ol’ clitoris.

Fox Newsed and abused

The festering pile of worm-ridden fetid rabies-carrying demon’s breath that is Fox News uses certain tricks to shift viewers’ hearts and minds toward whatever load of humanity-rotting bile they’re spewing in any given week that smells worse than Henry Paulson’s breath after blowing Lucifer every Tuesday.

I can solve the unemployment crisis

Everything on this list would create jobs. I’m starting a partnership with ExxonMobil to make this list happen. Together we can make America strong again.

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