News For Everyone to Enjoy In Moderation, Under Very Specific Guidelines


Nationalist rioters in Russia taking way too long to break down door to vegetable market [VIDEO]

The anti-immigrant nationalists agreed that they should have practiced on some plain sheets of glass before “going big time like this” at a vegetable market.

2010 footage of Putin fondling a puppy [VIDEO]

“This puppy is now mine and I will do as I please with it, including taking its young life if I need to,” Russian President Vladimir Putin told reporters before slitting the puppy’s throat and crying uncontrollably.

Putin may have brutally murdered a zoo animal in 2008 [VIDEO]

Putin kissed the tiger in front of his cameramen, placed a satellite tracking device on it, and let it return to the wild. The wild, of course, was the zoo, where after three days the tiger ended up almost dying from an overdose of tranquilizers.

Relations with Russia can be fixed if shuts down

In order to improve relations between Russia and the UK, British retailer Burberry must shut down its online presence. This may seem too simple of a solution and it may seem a bit lofty and it may seem like Burberry is only relevant to Long Island girls in the early 2000’s, but allow me to connect the dots.

BREAKING NEWS: Putin elected last president of Russia

With over 63 percent of the vote, Vladimir Putin won a third term as president of Russia on Sunday. It is a job he expects will take nearly 30 years to perfect.

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