News For Everyone to Enjoy In Moderation, Under Very Specific Guidelines


Trump’s cabinet shaping up nicely (We’re going to die)

Steve Bannon, who looks a bit like a serial killer in this picture, but is actually just a white supremacist, will now be senior counselor to the President of the United States. This is actually happening.

Who said it: Rick Santorum or an Islamic radical?

Now that Rick Santorum is out of the race, we can safely insinuate that he’s just as crazy as an Islamic radical.

With Illinois victory, Romney one step closer to hilarious defeat in November

Mitt Romney’s decisive win in Tuesday’s Illinois primary has greatly strengthened his position among the pack of Republicans clamoring to lose to Obama in what is sure to be a ridiculously embarrassing general election.

Santorum tells English-speaking Puerto Ricans to speak some goddamn English

Santorum was called “El Señador Puertorriqueño” by his peers in Congress not so much due to his affinity for Puerto Rican hookers as because of his support for a 2003 bill allotting huge amounts of money to a Pennsylvania-based medical management group that had facilities throughout the island.

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