News For Everyone to Enjoy In Moderation, Under Very Specific Guidelines


French objection to Iran deal could have been prevented had U.S. just invaded Syria, as France had wanted

A simple, U.S.-led war in Syria–which the French badly craved over the summer–would have eliminated the possibility of talks with Iran in the first place . On the bright side, though, it would have also made France’s eventual scuttling of the talks impossible, which would have been nice.

Like any patriotic American, Berlusconi commits tax fraud

Former Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi, who today was sentenced to four years in prison for committing tax fraud, has inspired American Tea Party activists with his patriotic fervor.

WEEK IN AUTOCRACY, 30 Sept – 6 Oct 2012

“You’re a gigantic loser, wimp, and pussy,” Mitt Romney informed President Obama Wednesday night before walking over to the president’s podium and urinating all over his shoes.

Spain’s banks need a few billion in cash, like right fucking now, please

“We’re going to need some fucking cash, right fucking now,” the deputy governor of the Bank of Spain told reporters Friday before demanding everyone come to the next meeting with some money.

ELECTION GUIDE: France’s 2012 Presidential Candidates

With the first round of the French presidential election taking place this weekend, The Daily Autocrat has produced this handy guide taking a look at the candidates in line to become the next face of France.

For once, French presidential candidates not publicly linked to hooker orgies

France is currently suffering through another presidential election, giving French voters the opportunity to choose their new leader from among their masters.

Spain needs big, wacky ideas to fix its economy

A general strike swept Spain on Thursday to protest the prime minister’s new “very austere” budget and labor reform bill. With a few out of the box, ambitious implementations, Spain’s economy can be fixed after all.

Putin may have brutally murdered a zoo animal in 2008 [VIDEO]

Putin kissed the tiger in front of his cameramen, placed a satellite tracking device on it, and let it return to the wild. The wild, of course, was the zoo, where after three days the tiger ended up almost dying from an overdose of tranquilizers.

President of Belarus finding it hard to be both gay and a dictator [VIDEO]

President of Belarus, Alexander Lukashenko, admitted this week that he finds it impossible to be a dictator and be gay at the same time.

Relations with Russia can be fixed if shuts down

In order to improve relations between Russia and the UK, British retailer Burberry must shut down its online presence. This may seem too simple of a solution and it may seem a bit lofty and it may seem like Burberry is only relevant to Long Island girls in the early 2000’s, but allow me to connect the dots.

European leaders reach agreement to act as if crisis is solved until next week when crisis returns

European leaders agreed to a solution that would enforce stricter fiscal discipline among many of its members and make it seem as if things were improving for a few days before total panic once again washed over everyone on Monday

Stalin’s daughter dies without even being brutally murdered, Stalin laments

“Someone could have at least removed all her entrails and then slit her throat,” the late Russian Communist Party Leader said following the death of his daughter last week.

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