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Middle East

Kerry’s acknowledgement that Iran could play role in Syria talks supported by fact that Iran already plays role in Syria

No need to commit to anything so groundbreaking this early on in what has effectively become a regional war, increasingly dragging in neighboring Lebanon and Iraq.

Saudi-backed government of Bahrain surprised rebels are backed by Iran

Interestingly, the Bahraini government has used abundant support from neighboring Saudi Arabia in order to quash any kind of democratic opposition at all, thereby fueling the very violent resistance that Iran is now allegedly supporting. It’s hilarious!

WEEK IN AUTOCRACY: 11-17 Nov. 2013

Discussions between Russian and Egyptian officials this week involved an arms deal reportedly worth $2 billion and numerous jokes about how the democratically-elected president of Egypt is currently in jail.

WEEK IN AUTOCRACY: 4-10 Nov. 2013

Israeli officials have denied any role in the apparent poisoning of late Palestinian leader Yasir Arafat, explaining that once they secretly gave Arafat the poison, it was, after all, his body that processed the radioactive chemical, causing him to then die.

French objection to Iran deal could have been prevented had U.S. just invaded Syria, as France had wanted

A simple, U.S.-led war in Syria–which the French badly craved over the summer–would have eliminated the possibility of talks with Iran in the first place . On the bright side, though, it would have also made France’s eventual scuttling of the talks impossible, which would have been nice.

Turkish government’s collection of intelligence from co-ed dorms probably a great use of resources

In case it’s not clear to the reader, Turkish intelligence officials are watching closely as students have ridiculous amounts of dirty, hot sex. A lot of it.

NEWS BRIEF: Kerry reassures Saudis U.S. shares their deranged, reckless goals

Meeting with Saudi officials, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry explained that the U.S. and Saudi Arabia shared common goals in Syria (where Saudi Arabia continues to recklessly support rebels with questionable ties to Al Qaeda), Egypt (where Saudi Arabia lent its support to the July 2013 coup that overthrew a democratically-elected government), and Bahrain (which, of course, it invaded in March 2011).

Peace-loving Israel and Saudi Arabia express concern over lack of U.S. war with Iran and Syria

It makes perfect sense that both Israel and Saudi Arabia would be so openly exasperated by a perceived hesitancy among U.S. officials to recklessly wage war in the Middle East, particularly when you consider how well the many other U.S. wars are going.

In televised interview, Assad sounds a bit like a weird pervert, am I wrong? [VIDEO]

When Syrian President Bashar al Assad speaks, the words “pervert,” “weirdo,” and “weird pervert” come to mind.

Hate to tell you, but Bahrain thing actually still happening

Remember when the people of Bahrain started protesting against their brutal government? Yeh, us neither. It has been going on since February 2011.

Syrian rebels not quite so lovable, it seems

Remember when you used to idolize the anti-government forces in Syria? Yes, you remember.

REPORT: Mitt Romney visibly aroused while discussing war with Iran

On numerous occasions Mitt Romney has failed to contain his obvious sexual excitement at the thought of dropping bombs, killing thousands of Iranians.

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