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Syria

Kerry’s acknowledgement that Iran could play role in Syria talks supported by fact that Iran already plays role in Syria

No need to commit to anything so groundbreaking this early on in what has effectively become a regional war, increasingly dragging in neighboring Lebanon and Iraq.

WEEK IN AUTOCRACY: 4-10 Nov. 2013

Israeli officials have denied any role in the apparent poisoning of late Palestinian leader Yasir Arafat, explaining that once they secretly gave Arafat the poison, it was, after all, his body that processed the radioactive chemical, causing him to then die.

French objection to Iran deal could have been prevented had U.S. just invaded Syria, as France had wanted

A simple, U.S.-led war in Syria–which the French badly craved over the summer–would have eliminated the possibility of talks with Iran in the first place . On the bright side, though, it would have also made France’s eventual scuttling of the talks impossible, which would have been nice.

NEWS BRIEF: Kerry reassures Saudis U.S. shares their deranged, reckless goals

Meeting with Saudi officials, U.S. Secretary of State John Kerry explained that the U.S. and Saudi Arabia shared common goals in Syria (where Saudi Arabia continues to recklessly support rebels with questionable ties to Al Qaeda), Egypt (where Saudi Arabia lent its support to the July 2013 coup that overthrew a democratically-elected government), and Bahrain (which, of course, it invaded in March 2011).

Peace-loving Israel and Saudi Arabia express concern over lack of U.S. war with Iran and Syria

It makes perfect sense that both Israel and Saudi Arabia would be so openly exasperated by a perceived hesitancy among U.S. officials to recklessly wage war in the Middle East, particularly when you consider how well the many other U.S. wars are going.

In televised interview, Assad sounds a bit like a weird pervert, am I wrong? [VIDEO]

When Syrian President Bashar al Assad speaks, the words “pervert,” “weirdo,” and “weird pervert” come to mind.

Syrian rebels not quite so lovable, it seems

Remember when you used to idolize the anti-government forces in Syria? Yes, you remember.

WEEK IN AUTOCRACY: 14-20 Oct 2012

In case you were wondering what sort of psychopath has nothing better to do than to institute laws that prevent low-income people from receiving contraception, here’s a clue: she’s rich, white, Republican, hates Mexicans, and should be given the electric chair.

Best way to end massacre in Syria is to stop thinking about it

If you really–and I mean REALLY–want the massacre to end in Syria, just don’t pay attention anymore. Pick up a book or something. Or watch a movie.

To discuss horrific violence in Syria, Arab League meets amidst horrific violence in Iraq

In order to discuss the deteriorating situation in Syria, Arab League officials this week held a meeting amidst a deteriorating situation in Iraq, where just days before bombs struck some 18 towns and cities, killing 50 people.

Syrian rebels need cute child star for their own YouTube video

To succeed, the Free Syrian Army needs an adorable kid / handsome white guy combo to star in a viral video promoting its cause. It would be just the shot in the arm these rebels need, and would more than make up for the loss of Homs earlier this month. The army may not have guns or money or military discipline but, surely someone can learn Final Cut Pro.

Syrians vote to continue being killed by the government

As the country’s recent referendum shows, democracy is alive and well in Syria. Humans, of course, are a different story.

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