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PHOTO OF THE DAY: Raving lunatic deserves a shot at Secretary of State role

“America’s Mayor” will finally shatter the glass ceiling for deranged maniacs who regularly lose their cool in public, yell angrily for hours, and say absolutely whatever pops into their psychotic brain, whenever they damn well please, with total disregard for basic societal norms or widely-agreed upon rules of human decency. It going to be pretty historic.

PHOTO OF THE DAY: Bill Clinton awarded Presidential Medal of Freedom for years spent being free to do whatever the hell he wants

Bill Clinton was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom today in honor of the many years he has spent free to do whatever the hell he has wanted, whenever he has wanted, wherever he has wanted, with few repercussions and little in the way of repentance or any sense of concern for anything other than his own twisted sexual compulsions.

WEEK IN AUTOCRACY: 11-17 Nov. 2013

Discussions between Russian and Egyptian officials this week involved an arms deal reportedly worth $2 billion and numerous jokes about how the democratically-elected president of Egypt is currently in jail.

PHOTO OF THE DAY: Congress and general public unaware that only federal healthcare site, and not state sites, has a problem

Today’s congressional hearings on the Obama Administration’s faulty federal healthcare website confirmed that both Congress and the general public remain totally unaware that if you live in a state that has set up its own exchange–as initially was asked of states, but which many refused to do despite being offered federal funding–you can buy your plan through the state exchange website, all of which are working fine.

PHOTO OF THE DAY: With everyone dead or imprisoned, state of emergency finally ends in Egypt

The Egyptian government’s ability to make warrantless arrests and search people’s homes has been deemed largely unnecessary since everyone in the country is either dead or in prison.

PHOTO OF THE DAY: Blood of senior Haqqani leader shot dead in Pakistan ruins local hopscotch court

Nasiruddin Haqqani, the chief fundraiser for the Haqqani network–best known for its work on terrorizing neighboring Afghanistan–was shot dead today in Islamabad as the result of an alleged family dispute. Until now, he had apparently been operating at ease in the Pakistani capital–which, apart from serving as a haven for terrorists, also houses the government of Pakistan, which, of course, receives about $1 billion annually from the U.S. explicitly to fight terrorism. 

WEEK IN AUTOCRACY: 4-10 Nov. 2013

Israeli officials have denied any role in the apparent poisoning of late Palestinian leader Yasir Arafat, explaining that once they secretly gave Arafat the poison, it was, after all, his body that processed the radioactive chemical, causing him to then die.

WEEK IN AUTOCRACY: 14-20 Oct 2012

In case you were wondering what sort of psychopath has nothing better to do than to institute laws that prevent low-income people from receiving contraception, here’s a clue: she’s rich, white, Republican, hates Mexicans, and should be given the electric chair.

WEEK IN AUTOCRACY, 30 Sept – 6 Oct 2012

“You’re a gigantic loser, wimp, and pussy,” Mitt Romney informed President Obama Wednesday night before walking over to the president’s podium and urinating all over his shoes.

As election approaches, Chavez asks Venezuelans to give him 14 more years to “do some stuff”

“I just need 14 more years to finish things up around here. 168 more months is all I ask. Seriously, what’s another 5,110 days?” Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez pleaded Friday.

Spain’s banks need a few billion in cash, like right fucking now, please

“We’re going to need some fucking cash, right fucking now,” the deputy governor of the Bank of Spain told reporters Friday before demanding everyone come to the next meeting with some money.

Israeli PM Netanyahu deciding which speech about Iran being imminent threat to reuse at UN this year

“Should I use the speech about Iran attacking us at any minute from 2009 or 2011?” Netanyahu asked his aides before realizing that the speech he gave in 2011 was actually the same as the one in 2009.

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