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FACT CHECK: Both candidates lied the entire time about everything

Both Obama and Romney lied throughout the entire debate, the entire time, about everything. They did this all in Spanish to throw the audience off.

Well, that debate sure was tedious, now wasn’t it? All that talking and walking at the same time. And remember when Obama was all talking and stuff and Romney was all like “Well, Mr. President,” and then Obama said something and was all like “Well, Governor Romney.” That wasn’t so great at all.

Anyway, I went ahead and did some fact checking in order to keep these two jokers in check. Let’s have a look at what they said and why they said it, and whether it was true. Or whether it was false. We’re going to determine whether it was true or false. That’s what we’re going to do.

OBAMA: “Romney doesn’t have a five point plan.”
THE FACTS: What Mr. Romney actually has is a “ballpoint pen.”  Romney was writing with a ballpoint pen.

OBAMA: “The most important thing we can do is control energy.”
THE FACTS: If you can control energy, you can store a bunch of it and then fire it at people in the form of energy balls. Regardless of being able to fire energy balls at people, there are other important things you can do, like go to college, or become psychic.

ROMNEY: “Oil production is down 14% on federal land.”
THE FACTS: I have no idea. Percentages are generally right though, so let’s go with that.

ROMNEY: “This has not been Mr. Oil, or Mr. Coal or Mr. Gas.”
THE FACTS: True.  Barack Obama is indeed not named Mr. Oil, Mr. Coal or Mr. Gas. The president missed a good chance here to defend himself.

ROMNEY: “The right course for America, is a true ‘all of the above’ policy.”
THE FACTS: Wrong. The best course for America will be the seared halibut with arugula and breaded asparagus. It’s light and delicate and goes nicely with that wine. But what do I know, I’m just a Michelin star chef.

OBAMA: “You’re doing great” (to the old witch that forgot her question and had to check her notes to remember what she was told to ask)
THE FACTS: False. Old witch was not doing great. Apart from not remembering an important tax refund, she didn’t even have the decency to come in full witch costume.  “Great” would have required her to show up with a large black hat and candy for the crowd, and then ask a question without pulling a cheat sheet out of her pocket.  This is why witches can’t get jobs and are ultimately prone to depression.

OBAMA: “Women are increasingly the bread winners of the family.”
THE FACTS: Women shouldn’t eat bread if they want to keep their weight down, which, of course, they do.

THE FACTS: False. No self-respecting man is named Cari. Either this guy is a liar or he is a very attractive woman.

ROMNEY: “We are all children of the same God.”
THE FACTS: False. God is a homosexual man in his 30s living in San Diego, and he has no interest in having any children until he settles down and gets a bigger place.

1 comment on this postSubmit yours
  1. Thanks for this! Considering I was lost through much of the debate with the lack of questions being answered, this really put it into perspective for me! Great job! 🙂

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