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God "Saddened By The Overturning Of Proposition 8, But No Big Deal, I'll Just Kill People With A Hurricane Or Something Because I'm A Total Prick"

Although a California judge this week made it clear that, despite how creatively ignorant and intolerant Proposition 8 was,–and also in spite of the fact that the proposition was based on God, who may not even exist, but also based on a book that was written during a time when people sacrificed animals and humans in order to better their harvest, died of old age when they were 18 years old, had no running water, thought the Earth was flat, and didn’t allow women to leave the kitchen unless they were having a baby, immediately after which the women would either die or go work the fields–it wasn’t necessarily constitutional to deprive people of the right to get married. Supporters of the proposition are taking refuge in the fact that their disappointed God–who really hates when gay people touch each other, but is doubly angry when they love each other, and triply angry that they can get married, which is the most sacred thing ever as anyone who enjoys 2 to 4 separate Thanksgiving celebrations every year knows–will still be able to brutally murder people all over the world with floods, earthquakes, disease, and automobile crashes.

"The only thing better than being in a black and white photo," remarked God, "Was keeping blacks and whites from using the same water fountains. It's great being a backwards piece of shit".

“Oh yeh, whatever,” said God, “I really hate when gay people get married. It makes me physically sick, because as you know I have all the characteristics of a human being and care about stuff like this on this one single planet because the rest of the universe is boring. But whatever, I hated it when blacks and whites got married, and of course when blacks got to eat at the same table as whites, and when people have sex before getting married or masturbate, and I hate when immigrants take janitorial and gardening jobs from the hard-working American youth, and in some countries I don’t even like it when people drink alcohol or when women try to vote–really just depends on what part of the world I’m in that day–, and I really hated it when they created Medicare, and when the U.S. pulled out of Vietnam because, you know, I hate Communism, but no problem, I’ll get over it. Hey, you see that town over there? Now keep your eye on this cyclone. So much blood about to be spilled.”

For supporters of prop 8, it’s disappointing that their private beliefs about a really silly, human-created institution can’t be imposed on a sizable portion of the human population who want to enjoy the same rights as everyone else. Yes, God might be pissed now, say Prop 8 advocates who live in Utah but who sponsored the entire movement in a state they have never been to, but “he’s an ignorant prick and can get his jollies in plenty of other ways than depriving people of their individual liberties. Have you ever even heard of cancer? Have you been to Somalia? We really love this guy. Praise be to God.”

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