King of Bahrain hosts historic meeting between protesters, Saudi troops

King Hamad announced Tuesday that he'd "been meaning to get everyone together for years".

To complement the freshly declared 3-month state of emergency in his not-at-all anachronistic 21st century kingdom, King Hamad bin Isa al-Khalifa of Bahrain will be presiding over an “unprecedented, groundbreaking and likely skull-fracturing” meeting between the country’s protesters–who have led anti-government demonstrations for 4 weeks and in the last few days have occupied a growing portion of the capital city, essentially shutting it down–and troops from Saudi Arabia and other neighboring Gulf states.

“I think that, in light of me now having emergency powers, it is an appropriate time to bring everyone together for a bit of casual conversation, a few snacks, and some good old fashioned smashing of bones and bludgeoning of faces,” the King announced as thousands of  security forces from countries like Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates (UAE) entered Bahrain. The meeting appears to have gone rather smoothly, with protesters killing a Saudi soldier and over 5,000 citizens marching in protest to the Saudi embassy–ostensibly to catch a glimpse of their new, gun-wielding friends.

The King had set up the meeting via a request to members of the Gulf Co-Operation Council (GCC), who jumped at the unique opportunity to facilitate such a historic gathering between roughly 1,200 Saudi, 800 UAE troops, and civilian protesters. GCC will also provide “light refreshments and finger food” for attendees and lead various icebreaker sessions, including one in which protesters express their grievances and Saudi troops point automatic weapons at their heads and tell them to go home. The next few days will undoubtedly be full of excitement, as the groups get to know each other more, exchange phone numbers, add each other on Facebook, and then charge full speed at each other.